a week.

about a week since you left. you decided you want to leave. to leave me for good. why, why are you doing this to me. i thought we could last. we could last forever, till the day we die. we talked, we had plans, but now, its all gone.

i wished you hadnt done this. i wish you wouldnt change so much.

why.. why is it that you are now in a jc you are acting this way. are are you naturally like that. we've been tgt for 21 months. its not long but its not that short either. every since you came into my life. you made it so great. i feel so loved. but slowly as time goes by, you stop showing.. why, why is this so.. i know i took you for granted the other time.. but i've changed and i realise things. so why now you are acting this way. i just wish we wouldnt have quarreled so much.

you left me once.. when jc started for charlene.. and you came back.. saying you love me. is that really so. you had a tough time getting me back. but i accepted you in the end. knowing ou are repentful. but you are not.. this is happening the 2nd time.

but this time you tell me the reason why you are acting this way is because you cant cope. is it really true.. or is it some other reason.. if not why, why is there not a text from you. im not dumb my dear boy.. i know alot of things. but i choose not to say it. why take me for granted and just want me to understand everything. i hate myself, for being so nice to you. cause you are just getting all over me. you get sky high while i go to the rock bottom. why cant you treasure me. i dont think im that bad of a girl..

do you even love me from the start. when we were tgt or were you just playing with my feelings. just wanting me for a name, someone who is just a temporary substitute to your life... we went true so much, but you just gave us up like that. why.

why do you have to flirt. how many girls have you been flirting with. you claim you dont flirt. im not a small girl. i have eyes to see, ears to hear. i dont know what else to say to you anymore. i feel so hurt, i dont want to let us go.. but seems like i have no choice. i tried talking to you but you just wont listen, you want everything to go ur way. you put words in such a way that its ur fault but you are blaming me for it. im tired, tired of you and tired of us. but i chose to hang in there, you dont play ur part at all. i tolerate all your nonsense and give in to you but you dont appreciate.

you give ur number to countless girls, you want girls in ur sch, have leadership positions,etc. when will you wake up.. why are you so immature. thinking about it, i regret.. accepting you back. because im here going through all the pain again. it sucks. you make me suffer.. while you enjoy life and be happy.. dont i mean anything to you? you still say as though you feel the pain. stop it. stop lying... why do i believe you so much and just take it all on myself. you are so unreasonable.. who gets close to girls and touches them when you have a gf. so what if im not ur wife. i have the right to ask where are you. all ur fucking excuses just makes my blood boil when i think about them.im so stupid. i really am. i hate you. hate you for all that you have done. dont come back. asking for me. and giving excuses like wanting to jump down the building. im not stupid. i wont fall for ur tricks anymore. just wish to forget you totally and carry on with life. i believe in karma... there will be retribution.

I HATE YOU SHAUN NG YAN JIE.